“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” ~ Shannon L. Alder
When you listen to kids talk to one another it is always straight forward and coming from the heart. What they think, they will say and mean it. Why not say what you think if that is what you mean. Most of the time they don’t even mean anything with it. It is in the moment and that are the emotions they share with you. They don’t go out of their way to hurt someone else, but if they don’t want to play with another child they will tell you. Even if the other child is standing right next to them. Of course we as adults feel the pain of the other child or we think we feel it, because a lot of the time the other child doesn’t mind the remark at all. This kid might be very happy to get a straight answer and move on. Of course with our good intention we teach our children to be nice. This must be confusing, because we also teach them to be honest and not to lie. Those two something contradict one another completely.
This is probably why we all learn to listen and read between the lines. We stop to really listen to one another and fill in what the friend is truly meaning to say. Or are filling in gaps that we think are there and maybe in truth they are not. This a strange way of explaining, but it happens every day. 3 or 4 people are having a conversation and all of them have a different interpretation of what just was said. Of course with intonation of words we are able to give emotions to our story’s. It is also important how the listener is interpreting the intonations and emotions. If your boss is not the kind of person to give out complements and she walks into your office to invite you to an important meeting. She really wants you to present you report, because it is well written. At the moment your boss leaves the office the interpretations starts and you are not sure. Is this a complement or is your report just to fill up the meeting, because there is not a lot happening at the moment? Wasn’t she kind of looking at you? Why is it not possible that she really liked your report and proposes that you present the report yourself? Same thing can happen after a lunch with your friends. You ask if your friends had a good time. The responses are positive and you start doubting, because maybe your friends are just trying to be nice. Sometimes we look for clues that are not there. What is wrong with us taking the conversation as it is?
Of course we have the tools to say the same word in many different ways. This makes telling a story so much fun. There is a difference between telling a story and having conversation of course. One is for entertainment, this is a great way to connect with others. With a conversation we connect in a different way with people. These are the moments that we connect with others and look for trust and honesty. It is important to be safe in a conversation. That what is being said is trustworthy. It helps us to grow and build on a steady foundation. To have a open way of communication will help yourself and inspire other to do the same.