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blog,  Personal development

Perfect, just the way you are.

Being in this life, I didn’t understand. Growing up I always saw myself as different, I had different desires and was looking for a place to feel safe. This lead to me not understanding what everyone else was doing or talking about when they were thinking or dreaming about their home. But you know, you grow up, and you learn how the rules of the society/tribe you’re in are lived by. So I figured out what kind of clothes to wear, I learned how to behave, and also knew that being a good girl was important, I should finish high school and my many other studies over the years.

But I always wanted to break out.

It started with putting up little advertisements on the wall for finding my apartment. Always searching for that place that would feel like home. So at the correct age, I found a room to rent and went on with my studies. I have met a lot of people over the years. People, who worked well with me, individuals who didn’t work so well with me.

Now I do understand that this was mainly because they were not feeling that good about themselves. New friends or old friends, or even people I met for just one day were searching like me. For an answer to that nagging feeling of where do I belong? How do I find my way to my home?  So after travelling for almost 17 years, living in 8 different countries, many different continents of the world and still never feeling home!

Until recently, I took some time out and created a sacred space to tap into what I was looking. What do I need to build a home? What does that look like, this home I have been looking for all this time? What are the essential ingredients for me? The conclusion I came to was that a lot of my list I already have.

I have a family who loves me just for me. My life is full of travel, lots of learning. Lots of visiting new places, exploring, and feeling many, many, different cultures. Most importantly though, I have me, and I need true friends, honest friends, and people who are not afraid to be authentic. During the journey I have been on finding my home, I came to the conclusion home is already here. It was time to embrace it, to move in so to speak. It is time to live it. Home is not so much a place in a particular country. Home with you and that can be a different location every day.

So here we are, and I can say I am home. There is a home for everyone. Finding a home, finding a place that you call home. It is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. It gives you an opportunity to ground yourself and breath.

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10 Comments

  • Gayvenda Kessler

    Hurrah for you Renee! For me, home is where the heart is. Last Thursday was a pivotal moment for me as a cocktail party was given to introduce myself and another artist to the community. Artizens is the first gallery my work has ever been displayed in. I have been steadily painting for around 3 years now, after a bout with a long illness. And I have seen feast or famine as far as my income goes. I would like to see my income become more steady, own my own home,have transportation, etc.

    I’ve lived in Midland, a West Texas oil town, since 1967. I have been contemplating a move to Alpine Tx, in the heart of the Big Bend country and gorgeous rugged desert-like mountains. It is a 3 hour drive from Midland. Midland is void of any pretty scenery and is totally flat where the cactus is taller than the 3′ mesquite trees.

    When I typed “home is where the heart is”, I felt dumbfounded because each time I go to the Alpine and Big Bend mountains, I feel at home. The area has always held a “resonance” in my heart and joy bubbles up from within whenever I am in that area. I have to wait until I can get a car number 1 and a good amount of money saved before I make a move. I want to be where I can paint the mountains which change color constantly as the clouds and sun move and shift over their peaks and valleys.

    I am expecting a good sum of money from a personal injury suit that I filed a year ago which will make obtaining a car and a move possible. I have been torn between continuing to live in MIdland where all my friends are, making a move to Alpine or making a move to Austin, Tx. where my son and grandchildren live. Part of me feels guilty that I would choose a place like Alpine above being near my grandchildren. But I tell myself, they can visit and so can I.

    Am I crazy for contemplating a move when here in Midland I have many friends, a fantastic support group of women, business,doctors, the Wagner Noel Performing Arts Ctr, Midland Community theater, Artizens Gallery, etc.? I think I’ll do myself a Tarot reading first thing tomorrow…Thanks for listening and I am very happy that you at last can bloom where your planted! With love Gayvenda

    • Renée Vos de Wael

      Thanks for sharing Gayvenda! I missed your stories, but so happy to hear how well you’re doing :). Follow your heart there are no mistakes, only takes. If your don’t like the take you have chosen, pick another one! Lots of love to you xxx

  • Eugenia

    beautiful, inspiring and heart touching words my friend. I loved to be reminded to take time out to search and what a nice surprise to realise that after all you are already there, that it is only a question of moving in …. love it!

    THANK YOU!!!!

  • Amy White

    Oh Renee how I love this! I have always felt so different from everyone else and have worked so hard to learn to love myself, exactly as I am! Beautiful and inspiring post! Thank you!

  • K. Lee Banks

    I’m so glad you are home now! My home was in New Hampshire until 12 years ago, when I met my new hubby (after being divorced for about a year from my kids’ father, and we had been together for about 20 years) here in Maine and moved here. My kids are grown and have their own lives and loves now, and I felt like this was home. Recently, though, my heart wants to go BACK home to NH – especially since I now have grandchildren back there!

  • Alison

    I connect with you. Many times I don’t feel like I fit in with some of my girlfriends. I grew up focusing on the things that matter to me rather than TV shows or movies. So now, I don’t participate in some of the conversations around actors and gossip because I don’t have a deep background of Hollywood. This is different from your situation, but I’m still trying to find my space. I’m more mature about it now than years ago. I keep telling myself that it’s okay to be me.

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