Intuition,  Life choices,  thoughts

Boxed in or better boxed out?

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard


It is silly, but I was just wondering how can you leave your opinion about oneself behind.  Growing up we all go thru different phases in life.  We learn to fit in and slowly get shaped by the events and experiences we have in our life.  There are the normal day to day ones of course, we go to school, do homework, grow up, get a degree or not.  Move to the next phases of work or an apprentice and into growing up a little more.  This is the baseline for a lot of us.  Parallel to this there are the exceptional experiences.  The things that shape us and teach us fear and sorrow.  Losing a loved, looking for control and ending up with an eating disorder, people with we should be able to be safe , but misusing this trust. Of course the good exceptional experiences.  Finding a special person to spend the rest of you life with, birth of a child, reaching a goal that you never thought possible.  All these experiences make us to the person we are.  The interesting thing I find is that we personally see these experiences completely different from our loved ones around us.

We put our selves into a box and put a label on that box.  Small person, not smart, only invited one there is a spare seat, get lost in the crowd.  When you would talk to some dear friend of this person they have a completely different view on them.  Social, bubbly, great organizer, always welcome, know how to dress well.  Why do we view ourselves in this light?  The most important question is of course: “How do we change this?”.  It is of course not easy and most of the time we don’t even notice that we’re doing this.  It has become a kind of second nature.  We learn the perfect way to play our part.  This takes a lot of energy and there is of course also the fact that we do change in our life time, because of all the experiences we have.  We’re not the same person we were 10 years ago and certainly not the same person 30 years ago.  People we don’t see very often will remember us in a certain way, but funny enough it is most of the time in a positive way.  If we look back there are not a lot of nasty people we remember.  I know there are exception, but luckily enough we have a tendency to remember the best memory’s about our journey.

That is why I’m so surprised why we don’t do this about ourselves.  When I look at old pictures, I see myself having fun with a lot of people.  Having great holiday’s with wonderful girls friends and being part of a lot of different social groups.  I do notice that I have changed.  We figure out that sometimes are not as important as they use to be.  There is no right way in that, your own way becomes the best way. Funny enough we keep pushing ourselves over and over to be the person we were before. This takes a lot of energy out of us. To accept one selves in the wonderful person we have become will make it all a lot easier. This will help us to attract the new and desire things into our life’s. Just open up that box and take off that label. This way you can enjoy that wonderful person you are at this moment, just as many around you already do.

Namaste Renée

Copyright © Renée Vos de Wael


  • Lloyd L. Sevigny

    My dear Renée Vos de Wael….1 – Please forgive me for finding fault. Perhaps you typed up the above message in a hurry but I have to tell you that your use of the English language and your spelling and grammar leave a lot to be desired.
    2 – The personal “identification” theory that you expound also leaves much to be desired. People for the most part are caught up in a false sense of self. This is caused by the identification with their thoughts…we are not our thoughts nor the ensuing emotions caused by those thoughts. Our personality is an illusion of our ego which desperately wants you to believe that the thousands of thoughts and emotions we experience daily is who we are. The ego is created by memories of the past and thoughts of the future both of which are desire places which actually do nor exist. True existence is the NOW which can be arrived at by focusing on the present moment with an active awareness which is desireless. To live consciously in the now is to be free of fear which causes all other emotions and dysfunctional behavior. Thanks for reading. Sat Nam!

  • Irena Vagner

    …nice food for thought Renee – lol – I think that the way we perceive who we are depends on our experiences … as you mentioned – Interestingly children are experimenting – exploring on their own – they do not ask for permissions or they do not compare themselves to their pears -or doubt themselves whereas they can or cannot do “it” – They do not know “fear” – they just follow their interest and curiosity. However, as we get older – the social circles or pears “intimidation” pears in. The key is to stay true to oneself regardless the circumstance. As long as we continuously engage in experimenting and explorations – our self-perception is ever involving and shaping while our self-worth is getting stronger through giving us permission to test our passive knowledge and our strength in the real world and gain “applied” knowledge. We do not necessarily have to “change” who we are – our self-perception about who we are is naturally shaped by our engagements and involvements in testing our understanding about the world around us…

  • ksw


    I love this article and it reminds me of Chapter Seven in the book Living Consciously In An Ego Driven Society, the chapter name is Living Consciously In An Ego-Driven Life. The author writes “Understanding That What We Learned Can Be Unlearned”

    One of the distinctions coaches make about self-defeating beliefs or behaviors is that at one time or another these things were survival mechanisms. The author tells a story about how a particular belief was formed about her and social situations as a child. Of course at the time the thoughts had not occurred to her the consequences of such beliefs. They were survival mechanisms that allowed her to conform to her social environment. She writes “We can be grateful for the belief’s original inception and recognize that these beliefs and behaviors once served us. They become self-defeating, however, when the behavior or belief is no longer needed for survival and now impedes our evolutionary process.” The story in the book is a prime example of how beliefs are formed. Bringing the information to the fore-front of the brain (living consciously) allow us to create a “knowing”. This information allows us as adults to review the particulars of the belief and separate fact from fiction to form a new set of instructions to live by.

    The author then moves on to explain that when we have a belief, it generates a thought, which brings on an action through an event. In a nano-second, we evaluate, and an emotion is formed. We act or react, creating a behavior. We evaluate the consequences, which lead to an evaluation of our original belief. Then we go out into the world and create additional an experience to prove our logic, regardless of whether or not the logic is flawed. We continue to repeat the process. Through consciousness, however, we can begin to realize that we have choices as to what we believe, feel, think and experience and also about how we behave.

    When we hold the evidence as the only truth, we are looking at the world from a single, limited perspective. We continue to produce the same results in our lives until we recognize the fact that we have another choice. One of the basis of coaching as a powerful force for change is that we can in a moment hold a space for the client to look at a belief from a new perspective and retrain the brain for the possibility of a trans-formative new thought. We are not our thoughts, we are timeless, limitless beings who live in a world of limiting self-identification.

    • Renée Vos de Wael

      Thank you so much for sharing this! I really appreciate it and it a good point you have here. If you like to be a guest blogger to write more about this subject you are more than welcome to connect with me. Namaste Renee

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