It is one thing to set yourself a challenge and then really go out there and do it. To truly start now with introducing myself, I can feel this enormous resist coming to me and a big question mark on how do I do this. Maybe people close to me and read this think that I have been lying or secretively been dishonest to them. This is so not true; I have just come to a point where figuring out who I am, will help me to become a better partner, friend.
It is really scary to start figuring out to who you are. It is so much easier to be the chameleon I have been for such a long time. To just be the person I think fits best in the situation I am in. I do show up as me, but just me with alterations. It is maybe just been my way of coping within my environment. In a way a choice to fit in, fear that thought that the alterations were necessary.
I do remember for example to go and play golf. From the first step I took on that golf course it was very clear to me that it wasn’t my thing. Not because it is easy or a silly thing, but simple because it just doesn’t get me enthusiastic. I love sports, active, challenges sports. Golf is just not one of these sports. But I was new to this place and really wanted to meet people and these ladies all seemed to be playing golf. So I joined and it never gave me any energy or fun. It did give me a opportunity to get to know new people. It also taught me that getting to know new people in a setting that doesn’t suit you, it is really difficult to get to know them. Just for the simple reason that there is no connection. No heart connection in what we are doing. Relationships are all build on a connection with one another. This can be something we like or interested in.
So to figure out the person you are has probably a lot to do with the fact where is your own heart connection. How can we show up as the best person, that one we already are? Not only for our work environment, but also in our personal environment. It has to be a complete picture to get this answer as honest as possible. To figure out who we are, we need to know what our passion is. What is it that gets the connection going between people, a situation or an activity? Even if we are doing something we don’t particular like, we can still try to find a connection with our own core. This will give us an opportunity to be ourselves and not loose ourselves into a role that suits other(s).
By figuring out to stay true to myself, I need to find a way to know how I do connect with people around me. I am very sensitive and have been going overboard with fitting in. To a point where it would completely deplete me and I got physical ill. I couldn’t keep up any more and my own spirit had enough. There is a point in your life were your body and mind start talking to you and you have to go and do something. Of course it is not easy to change habits that I worked on so hard to perfect them, but when your body and mind start wearing out there is only one solution. Start figuring out what is going on. Finding that place where your soul is hiding. This way you can start and invite the body-mind-soul to take actively part of your day-to-day life.
This is where the journey starts. Realizing you have not deceived to be any one in your life, but yourself. People around you are not expecting this of you. To be honest they rather have you around them in the real version than anything else. So figuring all this out is never to late and it will open new doors. It even helps to deepen friendships around you. We all have our own choices to make.