coaching,  emotions,  International Coach Academy,  Life choices,  thoughts

Do you see what I see?

“Never write about a place until you’re away from it, because that gives you perspective” ~ Ernest Heminingway


Sometimes you end up in a conversation that seemed to start friendly, but ends in a horrible argument.  Looking back at the conversation you realize that it is all about perspective.  One of the reasons why the other is upset, is because the expectations are different.  Being in the middle of the argument it is difficult to see the other point of view.  The calmness is gone and also the ability to reflect what the other is saying.  If we are hearing the other at all, because sometimes we only hear our own pain.  It needs a little time and healing to look back at the conversation without the anger that was triggered during the conversation.

To give an argument a little time, so it can sink in a bit.  What is it that really happened?  Why did this argument start and was there any thing that should have gone different?  To have an argument is some times really necessary to move forward within a relationship.  This can mean that the air can be cleared and there is an opportunity to move forward.  These kind of arguments are like a good thunderstorm with a lot of lighting to get the right points across.  The rain will wash away the sorrow and pain.  Sometimes it is important so that both parties can let go and move forward.  Of course it is important to finish and resolve the issue and not leave without closing and letting go of the argument.  To stay angry or disappointed, this will stay with you and in the long run will hold you back. This is like that day when the thunder storm doesn’t happen, but the dark clouds stay and the pressure that is building up needs to be taken away.

It is completely natural to have those moment that we don’t see eye to eye.  The way we handle the communication part is of course another.  We can make the choice to completely ignore what is necessary to say and try to do the nice thing and just leave it.  Hoping it will  go away and will be forgotten.  The difficult thing is, that is will not be forgotten. We’ve only put it away and the first opportunity there is, this issue will present itself again.  Because the issue was not a-dressed the first time.  Of course it has had now a change to grow over time.  It gets uglier by the day.

To truly address an issue that is bothering you is important.  This way you can work thru it.  You can do this by taking your journal and write it down and ask yourself questions that will help you to let go the issue.  In small steps break it down and let it go.  Look at it in a way that you have this enormous pile of cards in front of you and one by one you look at the card and put them in the bin.  No need for that card any more.  The other option is of course to have a conversation with the other party involved in the issue.  This will give you an opportunity to talk thru the issue and make decisions together.  Make sure that you both take the time to let go.  Some can do that straight after and other need a little bit more time.  Both is fine, but give one another the space to do so. Both options are courages and both will help you to move forward.

It is great to walk back into the day with a clear mind and openness to see new opportunity’s to enter your life.

Namaste Renée

Copyright © Renée Vos de Wael


  • Sarah-Jane

    I must remember that things are not always seen the way I see it. Great post, I love how you compared it to a good thunderstorm with ‘lightening points’. S x

  • imthecat or Cynthia Ann Tanner

    Thank you Renee, I had been writing in my journal everyday, and recently have been putting it off for some reason that I really don’t know why, and I have begun building up some resentments and have been questioning myself as to why. It makes sense to me that writing in my journal does help me to deal with things and let them go, especially things that I just cannot talk to anyone else about. Thanks again, I think it’s time for me to write in my journal. Love & Hugs

  • Alicia Hart

    Hi Renee, I love the idea of not walking away from an argument, but there are times U need to to calm down and come back to address it later. Or when the other person involved does not see any point of view but his own. I have had those kind of argument with someone I really care about and just stop myself in mid word and shut down, because I did not want to argue. I remembered me! This is not who I am, I don’t get upset by people starting fights or unsubstantiated arguments, I loved this person and there is something else going on with them. So I walked away and hoped he’d return and explain the real reason for the argument. Was I wrong or was I right in my assessment of the situation.
    Love and Light :0)
    Alicia<3 <3

  • Lisa Morris

    Inspirational Quote~*

    “To Know Nature is to put one’s self in perfect harmony with the universe,
    Heaven & Earth are One,
    So must we seek a dissaplin of mind & body within ourselves”~ Kwai Chang Caine~Kung Fu~(David Carradine)

  • Ranald Hooper

    Thanks for the post, Renee!
    I find that a lot of arguments are caused by one, or both, not really listening to what the other is really saying. Very often they have the other person’s response already in their heads. Stop the thinking, and listen!
    One thing I found interesting, in a conversation, is to listen to what they aren’t saying. That opens up all sorts of doors to an argument, to sometimes reduce an argument to a simple discussion.

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